Have you ever felt completely distraught over your animal passing? And then felt bad, or felt like it wasn’t normal, that you were in so much grief and pain?
That’s an unfortunate part of our society, not recognizing the importance and the depth of connection that we have with animals, and that the grief and pain can be just as tortuous as losing a human loved one.
I have had several client readings lately that have had their animals pass so I thought I would pass along some insights in case they might help you.
First I want to start with the more practical, or even scientific, reasons that these passings can be so painful to us. Just like babies, or lovers, when you touch another being your bond deepens. This is what helps babies grow and develop, and one way we deepen our connection with lovers; the skin to skin contact is very important for our mental and physical health.
But it doesn’t stop with humans. Many of us spend more time in contact with our animals over their lifetime than we do a child or partner. Even if you don’t put your infant down for the first two years, they will get very active and it’s unlikely they sit on your lap for very long by the time they’re 15, 10 or even 6 years old. Yet our animals might sit on our laps or on our feet for 10 or 15 years. Even horses and animals that don’t live inside our houses – they easily live to 15 or 20 years old and we see them several times a week. We brush them, massage them, ride them, hug them- this creates a very strong, deep connection.
I’m not saying people don’t love their children, but just the nature of humans is we tend to lose that continued contact that we keep with our pets. And many pets live more than 10 years. It’s hard to find a 10 year old child that’s going to sit on your lap for three or four hours a day!
Then we have the emotional and spiritual component. Our animals are often our best friend: they listen to our secrets, they greet us when we come home, sometimes they go to the grocery store, the hardware store, the park with us for their entire life.
Having that other person to talk to (and by person, yes, I mean your animal) is invaluable because you know your pet is listening to you because they love you, they want you to be well, and they want to know what’s going on. Also- they’re not talking back to you, judging you, or disagreeing with you! Really – they are not judging you.
So it makes sense, OF COURSE you miss them terribly, how could you not?
We also often feel SO. MUCH. GUILT. And this is normal, not just you. Because we want to do the right thing, but we don’t know what that is, and maybe we should have done more or should have done less – the guilt keeps us going in circles. I wish I could assure you that they carry no blame for you, but that is part of our human condition to heal. Healing the guilt is possible, but you need to be dedicated, and it’s too much for this short blog, so maybe another one will be coming.
And then there’s what I believe happens on the soul level.
Somewhere, a long before we met them, we made an agreement. We agreed to walk through life together for a certain amount of time. Their passing, as painful as it is, isn’t random—it’s part of that agreement.
If you only had your animal for a short while before they passed, I want you to know this: they chose you. They chose you to be the one to love them, to care for them, to be there as they transitioned. It was never about how long you had together—it was about who you were to each other.
So please allow yourself the space and time to grieve. And when the time is right, you’ll feel them again—not in the same way, but in a way that reminds you love never dies. It just changes form.
